Friday, June 28, 2013

Testicle Olympics (groupF/groupM) - repost

The Testicle Olympics


P: “Ladies and Gentlemen. Welcome to the 40th annual Testicle Olympics, where men’s nads are destroyed at what can only be described as a bacchanalia of torturous testicular tournaments. Isn’t that right, Steve?”

S: “You’ve hit the dick on the head with that one, Paul. Tonight we shall see the most beautiful, athletic women in the world emasculate dozens of men, and we expect to see some world records shattered as well as a lot of testicles.”

P: “I expect so, Steve. And already I can see the women queuing up for the first event, the 10meter pop. Seven lanes, seven women, seven sets of nuts. The men are all tied up with their naked legs spread, and their ball sacks hanging heavy in this warm arena. I believe all the men are given something so their nuts hang loose?”

S: “That’s right Paul, I was back stage earlier, and the medical teams were injecting relaxants directly into the men’s balls. It was a sight to see those three inch needles piercing ball flesh. I’m sure the female doctors were enjoying every minute of it.”

P: “And now back to the action. In lane 1 we have Stefany Ivonavich, the world champion . She managed to pop a guy’s balls in under 20 seconds, and in lane 6 we have Nancy Beckett, the up and coming US defender who managed to pulp a man’s junk in under 30 seconds. Let’s see who will reign supreme tonight!”

S: “All right the women are on-point and the referee raises the flag. I bet all those men down there are thinking they only have seconds left on this planet as males. And the flag drops! All seven women are dashing to close the distance on their male victims and Ivonavich makes it first. She’s launched her first strong kicks into her victim’s hanging knackers, but Brittany Sacks, the UK champion is doing well too, already six vicious kicks to the balls. Nancy seems to be struggling with the tough oysters her man has.”

P: “And that’s not all, the Italian contestant is screaming at she kicks her chosen scrotum. I believe she got disqualified last year in the Sarajevo trials for distracting the other players with her outbursts. And there’s the first testicle popped! It goes to Brittany Sacks of the UK, but now Ivonavich is really laying into the groin before her and, yes, I think the judge just called it. She’s exploded her victim’s balls right at the 26 second mark. And it’s gold for Russia. Brittany has just crushed her remaining ball, and now it looks like the other women are wearing their males down. Yes, it’s silver for the UK and bronze for the US. It looks like the men have passed out. Now the judges are walking down the line, making sure each scrotum has been pulped. Any significant remains of ball meat will result in a disqualification.”

S: “Thanks Paul, and of course the crowd is going wild for the winners. And, oh wait, what’s this? The Italian contender, Sophia DiMartino has been disqualified. Only one ball was completely popped. And that means that her replacement will be moving on to the next even instead of her. A lucky break for Giada Florenta of the Italian team.”

S: “Moving on to the next event we turn to the Smash Ball court. In this event pairs of women will face off to see who can score seven hits on the same pair of testicles which stud the wall.”

P: “Yes Steve, there are holes in the playing surface, and behind the wall eight men have their scrotums stuffed through the holes so that only the balls show. As I understand it most of the men have had their hips displaced so that their scrotums lie flush. It’s a grand sight to see. And now the first pair, Nina Garcia from Mexico and Fatima Pio of Portugal will compete, each holding their titanium rackets. The clock is running, their rackets at the ready, and the blue rubber ball is served. RIGHT INTO A PAIR OF TESTICLES. OOO,That’s gotta hurt, Steve. Now, will Nina hit the same pair of nuts? NO. She’s opted for a pair high on the left side of the wall. Fatima has missed her second hit to the original pair. And it’s a fat pair, wouldn’t you say Steve?”

S: “Yes, absolutely. All the male anatomy on display here must meet the regulation size, shape and weight in order to be used for these events. OH! and there’s Nina making her third score on her chosen scrotum. Boy, I’d hate to be that guy. The blue rubber ball can travel at speeds of over a100 miles an hour, and it can really chew up a pair of hangers. And ANOTHER score by Fatima. Yes, so far only two misses. These women have terrific aim. Can you see those testicles jiggling, Paul?”

P: “I certainly can. Those men won’t be men much longer. And they won’t get any respite until all six pairs of women have worked through the court tonight. However, it is traditional for the later pairs to choose an untouched sack, but some of the women, as I understand it Steve, like to go for ones that have already been ‘softened up’. I think they do it just to be cruel.”

S: “Which is what these events are about, after all. And yes the ball is back to Nina and NO, she misses this hit, it’s bounced off an open part of the wall, and now it’s back to Fatima, yes and she aims well, ANOTHER DIRECT SCORE to her sack, just one more hit and it’s all over for Nina.”

S: “Yes, and that’s it folks, Portugal takes the first round seven hits, two misses in under record time!”

P: “And while the next group set up, let’s move over to the other event going on right now. It’s the 100 yard dick break. We have three women, three lanes each, and ten men in each lane, all hard as a rock. The women must run down the aisle and break all 10 dicks before the timer buzzes. They have three minutes in which to accomplish this.”

S: “And this is one of the harder challenges, Paul, as I understand it. It takes a lot of strength to break a dick in half, and these are particularly thick dicks tonight.”

P: “Yes, each penis is a minimum 10 inches long and 1 ½ inches thick, I even heard there were some 2 or even 3 inch thick cocks in the lineup tonight, so we’ll see how it goes. And yes, they’re getting ready. The all-female audience wound up and excited. Women are sticking their hands down their pants, and I think the juices will be flowing strong. And there’s the flag. It’s Katrina Roba of Hungary in lane one, she’s got her hands on the first penis, and she’s really laying into it, and there’s the CRACK, the first dick is down. And Brittany Sacks has got her first penis in both hands, and yes, she’s broken it. Wow look at the bruise on that thing. And in third place is the Mexican competitor. Juanita Sanchez. She’s really struggling with her first tool. It’s a thick one. There it is, she’s finally bent it in half.”

S: “Meanwhile Katrina is on her third man. Boy he doesn’t look to happy, and yes, she’s got that one almost bent, and yes, there it goes, with a ‘SNAP’. Brittany had better hurry up if she wants to win this event. She’s got seven more cocks to break. All these naked men, trussed up, their big hard cocks pulsing in time with their heartbeats, and these beautiful women in a mad dash to break them all. The clock’s at 1 minute, 20 seconds. And look at that, Katrina is really bearing down on that dong she has in her hands now. A big beefy looking guy with a 10 inch boner. Thick too. Both she and he have their faces screwed up, him in pain, her in effort. And yes, it looks like it’s going to bend. And there it goes. She has only two more cocks to break. I think she’s going to take this round.”

P: “I believe you’re right Steve, it looks like Katrina is going to win this event. She’s on her last prick, and it’s putting up quite a bit of resistance. But there it is! The last CRACK and her final victim is broken in half. Sacks takes the silver and Juanita the bronze. Just look at all those men. Most are writhing in agony as their manhoods are bent in half. And now let’s check on what’s happening on the Smash Ball court.”

S: “It looks like Amy Vinehause of Germany is battering the same pair of balls that Nina Garcia brutalized only a few minutes ago. The ball bag has swelled to twice its size and is looking rather pulped. And her opponent, Diana Letrec, the French champion, is going for a fresh pair, in the dead middle of the wall. That blue ball is being hit with deadly aim and force. There’s another SPLAT as the ball hits the sack, and Amy only has three more bull’s eyes until victory. Diana has four misses so far, but the balls back to her, and she misses and hits a completely different set of nuts! This isn’t looking good for the French!”

P: “And did you just see that, Steve? Amy launched a volley so hard, but also off the mark, that an as yet untouched bag of balls just exploded! One testicle is lying on the court, the other sailed off into the audience. Yes, some lucky woman is going to be thrilled to bring that home tonight as a souvenir of tonight’s games!”

S: “I saw it Paul. And it looks like a time out has been called to replace the man whose scrotum has been emptied. And while we’re waiting for that, let’s head on over to the boxing ring, where we have the first match of the evening underway. It’s Nancy Beckett of the United States vs. anonymous male #1. As usual, the man’s hands are tied behind his back, and his body is naked. His dick has been amputated so as to stay out of the way of his nuts, and his nuts are pushed forward by a cuff. His goal will be to stay on his feet and dodge any of Nancy’s blows for as long as possible. Nancy’s goal will be to burst his testicles as quickly as possible.”

P: “Yes, and today’s first victim is a tall, muscular guy with a pair of heavy low-swingers. As I understand it, Steve, all the men here today are child molesters, rapists, or sex addicts. Instead of having the state castrate them, these women are doing the job, and quite nicely too. But back to the action. Nancy is circling her dickless convict. He can’t cover his groin, but he can try to evade her. She moves in for some punches to his face. Her knuckles have bruised his cheeks and it looks like one lip is starting to bleed, but he’s scrabbled out of the way. Now she’s leveled a kick to his stomach, and yes, the man has dropped to his knees. She’s kicked the wind right out of him. She’s grabbing one of his ankles and flipping him on his side. Now his naked sack is open for attack and she’s launched a series of toe kicks straight into his balls. Listen to him scream, Steve. His nuts are being pummeled into mush, and LISTEN to that crowd cheer!”

S: “Absolutely, Paul, these women athletes have got the crowd wound up tighter than a drum. They’re cheering and clapping. Now Nancy Beckett is going in for the kill shot. She’s flipped the man onto his stomach and that’s put his nutsack right against the mat. And OH MY, she’s going for extra points tonight. Instead of just standing on, or stomping on his fella’s, she’s going to do a handstand on them. There she goes, she’s got one ball under each cupped hand, and now she’s letting her weight begin to flatten them. We don’t even have to have a camera to see them pop, Paul, we can just watch the man’s expression. First concern, then worry, then agony, and then . . . . YES surprise. His testicles have just ruptured, and look at the size of his eyes. Now he’s letting out a thin wail. This guy is going to commit no further sexual crimes. And the USA team member, Nancy Beckett, has popped his balls in less than four minutes. I think that will be a hard time to beat by the rest of the competitors.”

P: “Look at the man just jerk around and drool. It’s gotta be a bad day when your nuts are crushed. And being cockles doesn’t help, either. As I understand it, these men have been cockless for some time. It’s a sort of torture – they still can get horny, but they have no method of release. So, in some ways, being castrated should be a big relief for them as they serve out the rest of their terms in prison. And I can see over in the Smash Ball court, it’s the Russians vs the Italians. Ivonavich is doing a smash-up job pulverizing a sack in the lower left of the wall, while Florenta is going after THE SAME SACK THAT’S BEEN ABUSED TWICE SO FAR. Oh, this is unbelievable. It’s just going to be a bloody pulp by the end of the evening. WHAM, you can see the blue rubber ball smash into the decimated eggs over and over. And that SPLAT sound is filling the arena.”

S: “Splat is right, Ivonavich is currently in control of the ball, and she’s just pegged the fat left ball of her chosen sack, and you can see the testicle warp and deform as the ball hits it. And another solid hit, this time splitting the sack in two. That’s right folks, she split the ballsack open and now the man’s two naked testicles have dropped free. Now it’s should be easier to hit the dangling, naked organs. WHAM, she smashed the left one, WHAM now the right one. Without a scrotum to protect them, these eggs are going to be scrambled in no time. But, oh, she’s missed this hit, so the serve is back to Florenta, and she’s not going to give up easily Paul. She’s behind by a mere two hits. If she can just hit her sack dead on . . . It’s an over hand serve, and YES she does. The ball bounces back to her, and YES, it’s another direct score. Ivonavich and Florenta are tied, with Italy in control. ANOTHER DIRECT SCORE. It looks like Italy may prove the superior in this event. Just two more hits. There’s one. I wish everyone was here to watch the testicles quiver when they’re hit. It’s hypnotic. But no, she misses her next volley. And it’s back to Russia. Ivonavich looks ready to take the lead, and hits that rubber ball against the dangling white gonads. SPLAT. Yes folks, she’s just exploded the man’s right ball. It’s just a pink splat against the wall, and now, two more hits. Will his left nut stand up to the punishment? If it explodes before her full seven hits, it’s an automatic disqualification. And there’s the next hit, dead on AND THE BALL SUR VIVES. CAN SHE MAKE THE FINAL HIT???? AND it’s a SCORE. The final hit of the match goes to Ivonavich, and yes, I believe that final shot cracked the man’s egg in two. That sack will be replaced by a new male before the next match starts.”

P: “And even as the Smash Ball and boxing continues, we have the start up of our final event. Kick Ball. Seven women, seven men, on their backs, their legs tied up and open, and their balls pushed up and forward. In this event, the women have to kick the men’s testicles right out of their sacks, and whoever kicks the balls the farthest wins. The world’s record is 40ft, but I hope that the record is broken tonight. The game monitor is walking up and down the men, now, and slitting open their scrotums with a sharp knife. That way the testicles will come out of their sacks cleanly. There’s the starting signal. The women squeeze the testicles out into the open air. Now they’re backing up. And the gun goes off! All the women taking a running start and PUNT THOSE TESTICLES. And the air is full of sailing white orbs, flying towards the line marks. And it looks like athlete from Monaco has punted at least one of her balls right out into the audience. Wow, Steve, I sure wish I was in the audience tonight. Catching one of those eggs would be a beautiful way to end the evening.”

S: “Yes it would, Paul. This is the best audience I’ve seen since the Atlanta games back in ’98. I can see the judges measuring, and YES, the Canadian’s have won this round – 42’ 10”. And the testicle was perfectly intact. As everyone knows a mashed ball is a 10 point deduction. And it looks like the Canadian, Missy Everest, is picking up her winning egg and pinning it to her uniform. I bet she’ll be keeping it as a souvenir of her win.”

P: “And speaking of winning, let’s go over to the medal ceremonies for the first three events. On the block for gold in the dick break – Katrina Roba of Hungary. And as the ceremony commences, yes a young man is walking up to her, carrying a velvet pillow. On the pillow is his own severed cock, dipped in gold. Now the judge is picking up the penis and hanging it around Katrina’s neck! It’s her fourth victory cock, and her ninth win over all.”

S: “And on the other two podiums, you have the winner of 10 meter pop, Stefany Ivonavich. A tall young man is walking up, and he’s presenting to her his own scrotum and testicles, also dipped in gold, and he’s hanging them around her neck. The golden sack – the most coveted prize of these games.  And finally, the winner of the boxing match, USA Nancy Beckett, and she’s got an athletic male teen presenting her his own cock and balls, detached and sheathed in metal, and now they’re hanging around her neck.”

P: “And so you have it ladies and gentleman, and fantastic night of events, and Romania, Russia and the US taking the gold’s for the first round of events. It’s an exciting time to be a woman, and an exciting time to watch all this brutality towards men. Let’s hope the night finishes with as much enthusiasm as we’ve seen so far. And we’ll be right back, after these messages from your local sponsors.”

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